he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
