just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
