i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The police scanner is talking about you again....
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize