at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
