Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
