i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
