NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
