You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Randomize
