yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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