I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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