I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
