Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
