He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
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he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
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Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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