Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
