my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
