Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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