Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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