She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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