Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
