This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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