Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
