So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
