I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
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