I accidentally burped into my bong.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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