I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
