Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
