can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
