my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
