i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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