I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
