i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
