You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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