i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
