Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
