Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
