She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Randomize
