3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
