i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
