i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
