if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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