jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy sore nipples Batman
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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