sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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