Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
