Don't make out with my wife yet
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
