he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
