I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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