Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
