Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
