i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
