I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
