I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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