Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
