At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
