all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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