my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
