grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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