Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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