i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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