and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
