look no pants
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
