with your own penis?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
