similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
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Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
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her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize