If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
