I think I won the penis lottery.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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