Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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