I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
