First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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