hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize