I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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