I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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