I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
