not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Go christen that room with your naked body.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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