i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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