I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
