I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Randomize
