walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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