You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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